I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
