i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
