I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
