As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
