sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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