So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
