Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
