So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I pour the whiskey from now on
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
