you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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