i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
