I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
