Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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