She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
