This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
