Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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