Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
