you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize