My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
