There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
