My hand turned me down
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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