Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
