The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
