bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
