my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize