I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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