Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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