I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think I just sharted jello shots
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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