just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
