i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
