I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I don't deserve a penis
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
