I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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