Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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