Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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