we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
