Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
