Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
