I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
