My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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