There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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