I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
