$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
