I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
