Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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