OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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