I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
