Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
