don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We are two peas in an std pod
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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