I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
