my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
