I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
