I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
