Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I looked at my own cervix.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
