I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
