Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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