you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
