I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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