She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
