Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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