good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
