I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
