no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize