Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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