Cold hands, warm shart.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
