I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
