Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you traded sex for a burrito?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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