If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
