I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
