Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
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