I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize