who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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