Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
