when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
