I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
