just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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