I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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