We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
