If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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