I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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