You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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