Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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