Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
