Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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