dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
