If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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