i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
