If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
