happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
