Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
