we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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