Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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