it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
