Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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