UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
