She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
