Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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