Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize