She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
