one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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