too bad you live with your parents still
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
