Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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